I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
