i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
