I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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