____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think i have two assholes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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