woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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