oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His hands were made for my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize