I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
