He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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