the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
