if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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