And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
