I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
