i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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