What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
