The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
