Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
