my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
