I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
