there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
