She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
