My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
