I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
