i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
