I should be sponsored by Trojan
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
