Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
