dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
