doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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