He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
