Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
