john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
