I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my shit smells like andre
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
