Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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