What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
