How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
