do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
