Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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