What a fucking waste of an outfit
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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