We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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