im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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