We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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