I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
