Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
