im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
