after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
