If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The struggles of a small town man whore
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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