Got a toothbrush?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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