sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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