i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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