just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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