Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
