My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
