Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
