rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
