I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
