Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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