So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
