Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
