I'm so fucking centered right now
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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