Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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