I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize