Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
