worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
