Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
