cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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