I wish I could punch you in the face.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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