I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
