I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
