you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he fucked my hip out of place.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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