eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize