Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
