When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
