he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
