she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
