Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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