i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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