Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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