That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
